The FarmHouse. Old MacDonalds.

*the blogs.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

 
He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said .. . . You wear pants don't you?

He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room . . "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? >A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars >have in common? A. They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."


 
What's love?

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival,
your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from
that special someone than other many long e-mails,
you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the
messages in your answering machine because of one message
from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would
not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someone
appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person.



Sunday, May 23, 2004

 
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." -Mark Twain
"You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." -Yogi Berra
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." -Albert Einstein
[thats me!!! hoohooo]
"I got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck." -anonymous
"We make a living by what we get,we make a life by what we give." -Winston Churchill
"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." -Marilyn vos Savant
"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." -Benjamin Disraeli
"Envious persons never compliment, they only swallow." - Mexican Proverbs
"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination." -Nelson Mandela
"One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget." -Franklin P. Jones
"A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory." -Unknown
"I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand." -Confucius(harhar)
"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top." -Unknown
"The fool thinks himself to be wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." -William Shakespeare
"For a good life: Work like a dog. Eat like a horse. Think like a fox. And play like a rabbit." -George Allen
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." -Mark Twain
"It is better to give than receive...especially advice." -Mark Twain
"Never be afraid to sit awhile and think." -Lorraine Hansberry
"No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head." -Terry Josephson
"Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it." -Irving Berlin
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." -Tom Wilson
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."-Albert Einstein
"I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I don't."-George Burns
"A true friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until lost."-Chinese Proverb
"The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world it's own shame."-Oscar Wilde
"A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a month's study of books."-Chinese Proverb
"Minds are like parachutes: most people use them only as a last resort."-Ben Ostrowsky
"To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" -Mark Twain
"What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens."-Thaddeus Golas
"Your faith is what you believe, not what you know."-John Lancaster Spalding
"If you can't make it good, at least make it look good."-Bill Gates
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."-Jack Penn
"Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the conquest of it."-Unknown
"If music be the food of love, play on." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."-Leonardo da Vinci
"To be simple is to be great."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Everything should be made as simple as possible...but not simpler."-Albert Einstein
"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."-Alice Roosevelt Longworth
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."-Mark Twain
"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."-Franklin P. Jones
"Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length."-Robert Frost
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." -Albert Einstein
"Having two ears and one tongue, we should listen twice as much as we speak." -Turkish Proverb



Saturday, May 22, 2004

 
nothing to joke about? er? my exams papers? to be updated. check archives for older jokes. :D

(oh well. shall just put more words for u to read. wait for hm den i can rip. haha. unless u wan me to type out some crappi "chemistry papers" email tt i got which is in picture form?)

or can someone tell me wad jokes u like for my past posts? i can come and recall them? haha. okies. thats about it, just update me? and tag. thanks. u can contribute a story if u want. it can be anithing. touching, sad, funny, pointless. wadeva. thanks! just email me.


Sunday, May 16, 2004

 
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f *ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f *ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's any improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the f *ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f *cking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

 
I had three friends Eric, Cathlyn, Carol
Eric was chased by all the girls in our high school
Cathlyn was one of those popular girls. Cheerleader, sexy, and stylish. Carol was just one of those plain and average girls.
Cathlyn and Carol were both totally crazy and wacko over Eric. Cathlyn didn't have to do anything to attract Eric, for she was already attractive enough.
Carol on the other hand, showered Eric which love and care. Carol wasn't ugly at all. In fact, she looked sweet and pleasant. But she wasn't a cheerleader, she didn't were spaghetti-straps or tubes.
So like everyone expected, Eric chose Cathlyn. For Carol was just one ordinary and plain girl. While Cathlyn was labele d as the cool and attractive type. Eric always insulted Carol. Telling her what a 'Plain Jane' she was and how dumb she looked. Which obviously made Carol feel so hurt and useless.
That's life. Carol never gave up though. She wanted to prove something to Eric, She wanted to prove that looks aren't everything. She studied hard, really hard. She became the top girl, and all the guys who once ignored her, chased her. But she never forgot Eric.
Everyday, she put a red rose in Eric's locker. Always with the same words 'I care for you, and I always will'. Because she knew that Eric was facing a hard time.
Eric began to realise How dumb he had been. His beloved girlfriend, Cathlyn was flirting with other guys. He regretted for choosing the wrong girl.
Cathlyn broke up with Eric later for she had found a wealthier guy. Eric felt so cheated, stupid and dumb. He went to look for Carol. He knelt on his knees, and said, "Carol, please forgive me. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
Carol rejected him, much to everyone's surprise. She only uttered these words, "You've suffered a great loss, so I don't want you to face another one"
Eric felt disappointed. He didn't understand a word that she said to him. But they became good friends, Did everything together, Eric began to change into someone better. Because Carol showered him with the love he never experienced before.
His ex-girlfriends had never treated him that way They just accepted him for his looks. But Carol accepted him for himself, she changed him.
Carol continued putting a red rose into his locker everyday, With the same words. She never forgot.
One day, Carol didn't turn up in school. She didn't come for a week .At first, Eric thought that she was on a vacation with her family. Because she told him that she would be going Hawaii with them .
But one day, He received a call from the General Hospital Saying that Carol was about to die. She had been suffering from cancer but Carol forbade them from telling him Because she didn't want Eric to worry about her. But now that she was about to die, She wanted to see Eric for the last time.
Eric rushed to the hospital.
When he saw how weak Carol was tears began rushing down his cheeks.
He whispered "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why did you hide this from me?"
She looked at him and smiled weakly at him.
"When I said that I didn't want you to suffer from facing another loss, I meant this. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I wanted to spend my last days with you cheerfully."
Eric looked at her. "You can't leave me!" he said "What will I be without you?"
"You'll be who you are now. I will always be there by your side. Never forget that. Cherish those times. Live life happily. And one more thing."
"Yes?"
"I love you"
And she died
Eric screamed He still couldn't accept Carol's death .
He had only spent a month with Carol .
A month .
But Carol changed his life in a way.

A way that no one could ever explain. He regretted.
But he knew that Carol would always be keeping an eye on him from Heaven .

Sometimes, we just don't appreciate those people who really care for us.
Until they leave us
Until we lose them
Then we'll regret

Outer beauty doesn't matter; it's the inner one that counts
It's better to tell someone how much you love them
Rather than to not tell them and lose them without telling them
You'll regret

Love is.
When we fight till the very last minute
Just to show and tell someone how much we love them

 
10 Ways to describe if you are haunted..

Do you EVER get an eerie feeling if you are alone at home at nightime, you just feel like you're being watched? Feel like someone is there around that dark corner? That you might have seen toys or dolls moving by themselves??

** Experts say there are some lifebeings that maybe arent alive...thats still walking on earth. Nobody knows the truth. At least..nobody thats still alive..**

The ten ways...

Point 1

If at midnight, the power's out.

Point 2

If your pet dog/cat is sleeping but they're eyes are wide open.

Point 3

If your pet dog/cat is looking at something that you cant see.

Point 4

If your pet dog/cat scratches at the air, or growls or hiss at something you cant see.

Point 5

If something you see earlier on is at one place, later on it is gone or moved someplace else.

Point 6

If theres a shadow of a figure against the wall, but there is no one there.

Point 7

If you hear someone talking or whispering, but no one is there.

Point 8

If suddenly outside the window, there is nothing but black.

Point 9

If you feel like something or someone is touching you.

Point 10

If the hair on your head and body is shooting up.




Saturday, May 15, 2004

 
all from huimei!! haha

-------------
Last night you and your best friend had had a fight.
You decide not to talk to her the next day.

She smiles at you.
You grinde your teeth at her.

She tells her friends nice things about you.
You spread Bad rumors about her.

She tries to come and talk to you.
But you push her aside.

She thinks you are a great friend.
You think she is a terrible friend.

She writes nice notes to you, telling you the best times both of you had had together.
You write all the bad.

Deep down you know she's sorry.
But all you have is hate.

The next day at school you find a note on your desk. It reads:

Dear Isabella,

I tried to tell you yesterday,
But you didn't let me speak,
I tried to tell you good things,but you were afraid to hear them.
I tried to smile at you, to take away the hate.
But now it's time to tell you, even though it's a bit late.
That i am dying.
I have a bad tumor in my stomach and it is getting bigger.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that i wont be able to go to school today.
I wrote this to you today in the hospital.
My time is up.
I'm sorry i should have told you sooner.
I'm really sorry about our argument,you are such a great friend.
I promise i shall watch over you,

Lots of love,
Katie.

Isabella ran to the hospital to tell her she was sorry.
But only her mum was left.

Her hand claped over her face.
And she was crying.
Down on her knees she prayed, for her daughter Katie to come back.

You, Isabella were too late.
You wish you told her sooner and got to say goodbye.

All friends have their ups and downs, and sometimes you need to say sorry.
Don't wait for her to do it first.
Because you never know what could happen.


-------------------------------

A man recently paid a visit to a millionaire's house, and ended up not having anything to drink despite the offer.
Below is how the offer was made to him:

Question: "What would you like to have..... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please"

Question: "Ceylontea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?"
Answer: "Ceylontea"

Question: "How would you like it? Black or white?"
Answer: "White"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"
Answer: "With milk."

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please."

Question: "Milk from Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: "Uhmm... I will take it black."

Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"

Question:" Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar"

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "What the heck! Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water?"
Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored?"
Answer: "Gee! I give up just forget about everything.."

------------------------

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me more LOGIC -
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP -
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR -
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

---------------
Silly Answers


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct.
Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS CLOWN: Big hands!

-----------------------
(this is frm chailing.. think i posted up b4.. bud oh well!)
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room.
Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.
When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.
When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.
Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen?
The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.
The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.
"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."
"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.
Things aren't always what they seem."
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later...
Oooo
Some people ( )
come into our lives ) /
and quickly go.. (_ /


oooO
( ) Some people
\ ( become friends
\_ ) and stay awhile...


leaving beautiful Oooo
footprints on our ( )
hearts... ) /
( _/


oooO
( ) and we are
\ ( never
\_ ) quite the same
because we have
made a good
friend!!


Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!


I think this is special...live and savor every moment... This is not a dress rehearsal!
-------------



Saturday, May 01, 2004

 
(ripped from cheryl seow. thanks:D) This story is damn nice and it is worthy to stay the one and only post on this blog until (at least) mid years starts. everyone jiayou bahsss. this story is not joke, sorta makes u think every little thing u do now might be killing our future generations.. or helping them.. "the consequences of our actions are so complex..." so dun regret wad u haf done! and jiayou bahsssss~

A Sound of Thunder - Ray Bradury
"R is for Rocket", (New York: Doubleday, 1952)

The sign on the wall seemed to quaver under a film of sliding warm water. Eckels felt his eyelids blink over his stare, and the sign burned in this momentary darkness.

TIME SAFARI, INC.
SAFARIS TO ANY YEAR IN THE PAST.
YOU NAME THE ANIMAL.
WE TAKE YOU THERE.
YOU SHOOT IT.

A warm phlegm gathered in Eckels?throat; he swallowed and pushed it down. The muscles around his mouth formed a smile as he put his hand slowly upon the air, and in that hand waved a cheque for ten thousand dollars to the man behind the desk.

Does this safari guarantee I come back alive??

We guarantee nothing, said the official, except the dinosaurs.?He turned. This is Mr Travis, your Safari Guide in the Past. He'll tell you what and where to shoot. If he says no shooting, no shooting. If you disobey instructions, there's a stiff penalty of another ten thousand dollars, plus possible government action, on your return.

Eckels glanced across the vast office at the mass and tangle, a snaking and humming of wires and steel boxes, at an aurora that flickered now orange, now silver, now blue. There was a sound like a gigantic bonfire burning all of Time, all the years and all the Time, all the years and all the parchment calendars, all the hours piled high and set aflame.

A touch of the hand and this burning would, on the instant, beautifully reverse itself. Eckels remember the wording in the advertisements to the letter. Out of char and ashes, out of dust and coals, like golden salamanders, the old years, the green years, might leap; roses sweeten the air, white hair turn Irish-black, wrinkles vanish; all, everything fly back to seed, flee death, rush down to their beginnings, suns rise in western skies and set in glorious easts, moons eat themselves opposite to the custom, all and everything cupping one another like Chinese boxes, rabbits in hats, all and everything returning in fresh death, the seed death, the green death, to the time before the beginning. A touch of a hand might do it, the merest touch of a hand.

Hell and damn,?Eckels breathed, the light of the Machine on his thin face. A real Time Machine? He shook his head. Makes you think. If the election had gone badly yesterday, I might be here now running away from the results. Thank God Keith won. He'll make a fine President of the United States.?

yes,?said the man behind the desk. We're lucky. If Deutscher had gotten in, we have the worst kind of dictatorship. Thats an anti-everything man for you, a militarist, anti-Christ, anti-human, anti-intellectual. People called us up, you know, joking but not joking. Said if Deutscher became President they wanted to go live in 1492. Of course it's not our business to conduct Escapes, but to form Safaris. Anyway, Keith's President now. All you got to worry about is---?

Shooting my dinosaur,?Eckels finished it for him.

A Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Thunder Lizard, the damnedest monster in history. Sign this release. Anything happens to you, we are not responsible. Those dinosaurs are hungry.?

Eckels flushed angrily. Trying to scare me!?

Frankly, yes. We don want anyone going who'll panic at the first shot. Six Safari leaders were killed last year, and a dozen hunters. We're here to give you the damnedest thrill a real hunter ever asked for. Travelling you back sixty million years to bag the biggest damned game in all Time. Your personal cheque's still here. Tear it up.

Mr Eckels looked at the cheque for a long time. His fingers twitched.

Good luck,?said the man behind the desk. Mr Travis, he's all yours.?

They moved silently across the room, taking their guns with them, towards the Machine, toward the silver metal and the roaring light.

****

First a day and then a night and then a day and then a night, then it was day-night-day-night-day. A week, a month, a year, a decade! AD2055. AD2019. 1999! 1957! Gone! The Machine roared.

They put on their oxygen helmets and tested the intercoms.

Eckels swayed on the padded seat, his face pale, his jaw stiff. He felt the trembling in his arms and he looked down and found his hands tight on the new rifle. There were four other men in the Machine. Travis, the Safari Leader, his assistant, Lesperance, and the two other hunter, Billings and Kramer. They sat looking at each other, and the year blazed around them.

Can these guns get a dinosaur cold??Eckels felt his mouth saying.

If you hit them right,?said Travis on the helmet radio. Some dinosaurs have two brains, one in the head, another far down the spinal column. We stay away from those. That's stretching luck. Put your first shots into the eyes, if you can, blind them, and go back into the brain.?

The Machine howled. Time was a film run backward. Suns fled and ten million moons fled after them. Good God,said Eckels. Every hunter that ever lived would envy us today. This makes Africa seem like Illinois.

The Machine slowed; its scream fell to a murmur. The Machine stopped.

The sun stopped in the sky.

The fog that had enveloped the Machine blew away and they were in an old time, a very old time indeed, three hunters and two Safari Heads with their blue metal guns across their knees.

Christ isn't born yet,?said Travis. Moses has not gone to the mountain to talk with God. The Pyramids are still in the earth, waiting to be cut out and put up. Remember that Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler--- none of them exists.?

The men nodded.

What?-- Mr Travis pointed--- Is the jungle of sixty million two thousand and fifty-five years before President Keith.?

He indicated a metal path that struck off the green wilderness, over steaming swamp, among giant ferns and palms.

And that,?he said, is the Path, laid by Time Safari for your use. It floats six inches above the earth. Don't touch so much a one grass blade, flower, or tree. It's an antigravity mental. Its purpose is to keep you from touching this world of the past in any way. Stay on the Path. Don't go off it. I repeat. Don't go off it. for any reason! If you fall off, there is a penalty. And don't shoot any animal we don't okay.?

Why??asked Eckels.

They sat in the ancient wilderness. Far birds?cries blew on a wind, and the smell of tar and an old sea salt, moist grasses, and flowers the color of blood.

We don't want to change the Future. We don't belong here in the Past. The government doesn't like us here. We have to pay a big graft to keep our franchise. A Time Machine is damn finicky business. Not knowing it, we might kill an important animal, a small bird, a roach, a flower even, thus destroying an important link in a growing species.?

What's not clear,?said Eckels.

All right,?Travis continued, say we accidentally kill one mouse here. That means the future families of this one particular mouse are destroyed, right??

Right.

And all the families of the families of that one mouse! With a stamp of your foot, you annihilate first one, then a dozen, then a thousand, a million, a billion possible mice!?

So they're dead,?said Eckels. so what??

So what??Travis snorted quietly. Hell, what about the foxes that'll need those mice to survive? For want of ten mice, a fox dies. For want of ten foxes, a lion starves. For want of a lion, all manner of insects, vultures, infinite billions of life forms are thrown into chaos and destruction. Eventually it all boils down to this: fifty-nine million years later, a cave man, one of a dozen on the entire world, goes hunting wild boar or sabre-tooth tiger for food. But you, friend, have stepped on all the tigers in that region. By stepping on one single mouse. So the cave man starves. And the cave man, please note, is not just any expendable man, no! he is an entire future nation. From his loins would have sprung ten sons. From their loins one hundred sons, and thus onward to a civilization. Destroy this one man, and you destroy a race, a people, an entire, history of life. It is comparable to slaying one of Adam's grandchildren. The stomp of your foot, on one mouse, could start an earthquake, the effects of which could shake our earth and destinies down through Time, to their very foundations. With the death of that one cave man, a billion other yet unborn are throttled in the womb. Perhaps Rome never rises on its seven hills. Perhaps Europe is forever a dark forest, and only Asia waxes healthy and teeming. Step on a mouse and you crush the Pyramids. Step on the mouse and you leave your print, like a Grand Canyon, across Eternity. Queen Elizabeth might never be born, Washington might not cross the Delaware, there might never be a United States at all. so be careful. Stay on the Path. Never step off.?

I see,?said Eckels. Then it wouldn't pay for us even to touch the grass??

Correct. Crushing certain plants could add up infinitesimally. A little error here would multiply in sixty million years, all out of proportion. Of course maybe our theory is wrong. Maybe Time cant be changed by us. Or maybe it can be changed only in little subtle ways. A dead mouse here makes an insect imbalance there, a disproportion later, a bad harvest further on, a depression, mass starvation, and, finally, a change in social temperament in far-flung countries. Something much more subtle, like that. perhaps only a soft breath, a whisper, a hair, pollen on the air, such a slight, slight, change that unless you looked close you wouldn't see it. Who knows? Who really can say he knows? We don't know. We're guessing. But until we do know for certain whether our messing around in Time can make a big roar or a little rustle in history; we're being damned careful. This Machine, this Path, your clothing and bodies, were sterilized, as you know, before the journey. We wear these oxygen helmets so we can't introduce our bacteria into an ancient atmosphere.?

How do we know which animals to shoot??

They're marked with red paint,?said Travis. Today, before our journey, we sent Lesperance here back with the Machine. He came to this particular era and followed certain animals.

Studying them??

Right,?said Lesperance. I track them through their entire existence, noting which of them lives the longest. Very few. How many times they mate. Not often. Life's short. When I find one that's going to die when a tree falls on him, or one that drowns in a tar pit, I note the exact hour, minute, and second. I shoot a paint bomb. It leaves a red patch on his hide. We cant miss it. Then I correlate our arrival in the Past so that we meet the monster not more than two minutes before he would have died anyway. this way, we kill only animals with no future, that are never going to mate again. You see how careful we are??

But if you came back this morning in Time,?said Eckels eagerly, you must've bumped into us, our Safari! How did it turn out? Was it successful? Did all of us get through--- alive?

Travis and Lesperance gave each other a look.

That be a paradox,?said the latter. Time doesn't permit that sort of mess--- a man meeting himself. When such occasions threaten, Time steps aside. Like an airplane hitting a air pocket. You felt the Machine jump just before we stopped? That was us passing ourselves on the way back to the Future. We saw nothing. There's no way of telling if this expedition was a success, if we got our monster, or whether all of--- meaning you, Mr Eckels--- got out alive.

Eckels smiled palely.

Put that,said Travis sharply. Everyone on his feet!

They were ready to leave the Machine.

The jungle was high and the jungle was broad and the jungle was the entire world forever and forever. Sounds like music and sounds like flying tents filled the sky, and those were pterodactyls soaring with cavernous grey wings, gigantic bats out of a delirium and a night fever, Eckels, balanced on the narrow Path, aimed his rifle playfully.

Stop that!?said Travis. Don't even aim for fun, damn it! If your guns should go off---

Eckels flushed. Where's our Tyrannosaurus??

Lesperance checked his wrist watch. Up ahead. We'sl bisect his trail in sixty seconds. Look for the red paint, for Christ's sake. Don't shoot till we give the word. Stay on the Path. Stay on the Path!?

They moved forward in the wind of morning.

Strange,?murmured Eckels. Up ahead, sixty million years, Election Day over. Keith made President. Everyone celebrating. And here we are, a million years lost, and they don't exist. The things we worry about for months, a lifetime, not even born or thought about yet.?

Safety catches off, everyone!?ordered Travis. You, first shot, Eckels. Second, Billings. Third, Kramer.?

He hunted tiger, wild boar, buffalo, elephant, but Jesus, this is it,?said Eckels. He's shaking like a kid.

Oh,?said Travis.

Everyone stopped.

Travis raised his hand. Ahead,he whispered. In the mist. There he is. There's His Royal Majesty now.

The jungle was wide and full of twitterings, rustlings, murmurs, and sighs.

Suddenly it all ceased, as if someone had shut a door.

Silence.

A sound of thunder.

Out of the mist, one hundred yards away, came Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Jesus God,?whispered Eckels.

Ohh!?

It came on great oiled, resilient, striding legs. It towered thirty feet above half of the trees, a great evil god, folding its delicate watchmaker's claws close to its oily reptilian chest. Each lower leg was a piston, a thousand pounds of white bone, sunk in thick ropes of muscle, sheathed over in a gleam of pebbled skin like the mail of a terrible warrior. Each thigh was a ton of meat, ivory, and steel mesh. And from the great breathing cage of the upper body those two delicate arms dangled out in front, arms with hands which might pick up and examine men like toys, while the snake neck coiled. And the head itself, a ton of sculptures stone, lifted easily upon the sky. Its mouth gaped, exposing a fence of teeth like daggers. Its eyes rolled, ostrich eggs, empty of all expression save hunger. It closed its mouth in a death grin. It ran, its pelvic bones crushing aside trees and bushes, its taloned feet clawing damp earth, leaving prints six inches deep wherever it settled its weight. It ran with a gliding ballet step, far too poised and balanced for its ten tons. It moved into a sunlit arena warily, its beautifully reptile hands feeling the air.

My God!?Eckels twitched his mouth. It could reach up and grab the moon.

Ohh!?Travis jerked angrily. He hasn't seen us yet.

It can't be killed.Eckels pronounced this verdict quietly, as if there could be no argument. He had weighed the evidence and this was his considered opinion. The rifle in his hands seemed a cap gun. We were fools to come. This is impossible.?

Shut up!?hissed Travis.

Nightmare.?

Turn around,?commanded Travis. Walk quietly to the Machine. We'll remit one-half your fee.?

I didn't realize it would be this big.Said Eckels. I miscalculated, that's all. Now I want out.

It sees us!?

There's red paint on his chest!?

The Thunder Lizard raised itself. Its armoured flesh glittered like a thousand green coins. The coins, crusted with slime, steamed. In the slime, tiny insects wriggled, so that the entire body seemed to twitch and undulate, even while the monster itself did not move. It exhaled. The stink of raw flesh blew down the wilderness.

Let me out of here,?said Eckels. It was never like this before. I was always sure I'll come through alive. I had good guides, good safaris, and safety. This time, I figured wrong. I've met my match and admit it. this is too much for me to get hold of.

Don't run. Turn around. Hide in the Machine.?

Yes.?Eckels seemed to be numb. He looked at his feet as if trying to make them move. He gave a grunt of helplessness.

Eckels!?

He took a few steps, blinking, shuffling.

Got that way!?

The Monster, at the first motion, lunged forward with a terrible scream. It covered one hundred yards in four seconds. The rifles jerked up and blazed fire. A windstorm from the beast's mouth engulfed them in a stench of slime and old blood. The Monster roared, teeth glittering in sun.

Eckels, not looking back, walked blindly to the edge of the Path, his gun limp in his arms, stepped off the Path, and walked, not knowing it, in the jungle. His feet sank into green moss. His legs moved him, and he felt alone and remote from the events behind.

The rifles cracked again. Their sound was lost in shriek and lizard thunder. The great lever of the reptile's tail swung up, lashed sideways. Trees exploded in clouds of leaf and branch. The Monster twitched its jeweller's hands down to fondle at the men, to twist them in half, to crush them like berries, to cram them into its teeth and its screaming throat. Its boulder-stone eyes leveled with the men. They saw themselves mirrored. They fired at the metallic eyelids and the blazing black iris.

Like a stone idol, like a mountain avalanche, Tyrannosaurus fell. Thundering, it clutched trees, pulled them with it. it wrenched and tore the metal Path. The men flung themselves back and away. The body hit. Ten tons of cold flesh and stone. The guns fired. The monster lashed its armoured tail, twitched its snake jaws, and lay still. A fount of blood spurted from its throat. Somewhere inside, a sac of fluids burst. Sickening gushes drenched the hunters. They stood, red and glistening.

The thunder faded.

The jungle was silent. After the avalanche, a green peace. After the nightmare, morning.

Billings and Kramer, sat on the pathway and threw up. travis and Lesperance stoof with smoking rifles, cursing steadily.

In the Time Machine, on his face, Eckels lay shivering. He had found his wasy back to the Path, climbed into the Machine.

Travis came walking, glanced at Eckels, took cotton gauze from a metal box, and returned to the others, who were sitting on the Path.

Clean up.?

They wiped the blood from their helmets. They began to curse too. The Monster lay, a hill of solid flesh. Within, you could hear the sighs and murmurs as the furthest chambers of it died, the organs malfunctioning, liquids running a final instant from pocket to sac to spleen, everything shutting off, closing up forever. It was like standing by a wrecked locomotive or a steam shovel at quitting time, all valves being released or levered tight. Bones cracked, the tonnage of its own flesh, off balance, dead weight, snapped the delicate forearms, caught underneath. The meat settled, quivering.

Another cracking sound. Overhead, a gigantic tree branch broke from his heavy mooring, fell. It crashed upon the dead beast with finality.

There.?Lesperance checked his watch. Right on time. That's one giant tree that was scheduled to fall and kill this animal originally.?He glanced at the two hunters, You want the trophy picture??

What??

We can't take a trophy back to the Future. The body has to stay right here, where it would have died originally, so the insects, birds, and bacteria can get at it, as they were intended to. Everything in balance. The body stays. But we can take a picture of you standing near it.?

The two men tried to think, but gave up, shaking their heads.

They let themselves be led along the metal Path. They sank wearily into the Machine cushions. They gazed back at the ruined Monster, the stagnating mound, where already strange reptilian birds and golden insects were busy at the steaming armour.

A sound on the floor of the Time Machine stiffened them. Eckels sat there, shivering.

I'm sorry,?he said at last.

Get up!?cried Travis.

Eckels got up.

Go out on that Path alone,?said Travis. He had his rifle pointed. You're not coming back to the Machine. We're leaving you here!?

Lesperance seized Travis?arm. Wait---
Stay out of this!?Travis shook his hand away. This son of a bitch nearly killed us. But it isn't that so much. Hell no. it his shoes! look at them! He ran off the Path. My God, that ruins us! Christ knows how much wel forfeit. Tens of thousands of dollars of insurance! We guarantee no one leaves the Path. He left it. Oh, damn the fool! I'll have to report to the government. They might revoke our licence to travel. God knows what he's done to Time, to History!?

Take it easy, all he did was kick up some dirt.?

How do we know??cried Travis. We don't know anything! It's all a damn mystery! Get out there, Eckels!?

Eckels fumbled his shirt. I'll pay anything. A hundred thousand dollars!?

Travis glared at Eckels?chequebook and spat. o out there. The Monster next to the Path. Stick your arms up to your elbows in his mouth. Then you can come back with us.?

That's unreasonable!?

The Monster's dead, you yellow bastard. The bullets! The bullets can't be left behind. They don't belong in the Past; they might change something. Here's my knife. Dig them out!?

The jungle was alive again, full of the old tremorings and bird cries. Eckels turned slowly to regard primeval garbage dump, that hill of nightmares and terror. After a long time, like a sleepwalker, he shuffled out along the Path.

He returned, shuddering, five minutes later, arms soaked and red to the elbows. He held out his hands. Each held a number of steel bullets. Then he fell. He lay where he fell, not moving.
You didn't have to make him do that,?said Lesperance.

Didn't I? It't too early to tell.?Travis nudged the still body. He'll live. Next time he won't go hunting game like this. Okay.?He jerked his thumb wearily at Lesperance. Twitch on. Let's go home.?

****

1492. 1776. 1812.

They cleaned their hands and faces. They changed their caking shirts and pants. Eckels was up and around again, not speaking. Travis glared at him for a full ten minutes.

Don't look at me,?cried Eckels. I haven done anything.?

Who can tell??

I just ran off the Path, that;s all, a little mud on my shoes--- what do you want me to do--- get down and pray??

He might need it. I'm warning you, Eckels, I might kill you yet. I've got my gun ready.?

I am innocent. I've done nothing!?

****

1999. 2000. 2055.

The Machine stopped.

Get out,?said Travis.

The room was there as they had left it, but not the same as they had left it. The same man sat behind the same desk. But the same man did not quite sit behind the same desk.

Travis looked around swiftly. Everything okay here??he snapped.

Fine. Welcome home!?

Travis did not relax. He seemed to be looking at the very atoms of the air itself, at the way the sun poured through the one high window.

Okay, Eckels, get out. Don't ever come back.?

Eckels could not move.

You hear me,said Travis. What're you staring at?

Eckels stood smelling the air, and there was a thing to the air, a chemical taint so subtle, so slight, that only a faint cry of his subliminal senses warned him it was there. The colours, white, grey, blue, orange, in the wall, in the furniture, in the sky beyond the windows, were?were?And there was a feel. His flesh twitched. He stood drinking the oddness with the pores of his body. Somewhere, someone must have been screaming one of those whistles that only a dog can hear. His body screamed silence in return. Beyond this room, beyond this wall, beyond this man who was not quite the same man seated at this desk that was not quite the same desk?lay an entire world of streets and people. What sort of world it was now, there was no telling. He could feel them moving around, beyond the wall, almost, like so many chess pieces blown in a dry wind?
But the immediate thing was the sign painted on the office wall, the same sign he had read earlier today on first entering.

Somehow, the sign had changed:

TYME SEFARI INC.
SEFARIS TU ANY YEER EN THE PAST.
YU NAIM THE ANIMALL.
WEE TAEK YOU THAIR.
YU SHOOT ITT.

Eckels felt himself fall into a chair. He fumbled crazily at the thick slime on his boots. He held up a clod of dirt, trembling. No, it can't be. Not a thing like that. No!?

Embedded in the mud, glistening green and gold and black, was a butterfly, very beautiful, and very dead.

Not a little thing like that! Not a butterfly!?cried Eckels.

It fell to the floor, an exquisite thing, a small thing that could upset balances and knock a line of same dominoes and then big dominoes and then gigantic dominoes, all down the years across time. Eckels?mind whirled. It couldn't change things. Killing one butterfly couldn't be that important! Could it?

His face was cold. His mouth trembled, asking: Who--- who won the presidential election yesterday??

The man behind the desk laughed. You joking? You know damn well. Deutscher, of course! Who else! Not that damn weakling Keith. We got an iron man now, a man with guts, by God!?The official stopped. What's wrong??

Eckels moaned. He dropped to his knees. He scrabbled at the golden butterfly with shaking hands. Can't we,?he pleaded to the world, to himself, to the officials, to the Machine, Can't we take it back, can't we make it alive again? Can't we start over? Can't we.. He did not move. Eyes shut, he waited, shivering. He heard Travis breathe loud in the room; he heard Travis shift his rifle, click the safety catch, and raise the weapon.

There was a sound of thunder.
------------------
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